I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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