How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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