Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
