I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Can you repeat that, but with context?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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