so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
