I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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