garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
