I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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