Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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