Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
