I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize