he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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