I hate your face
Pappa wants mamma naked
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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