I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
