Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize