I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Who died my cat blue again?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
