He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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