That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
