I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
