I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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