these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
nutella sex= disaster
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
