I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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