The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
