I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
