I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
