Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
