my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
