the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
