One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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