There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Randomize
