First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
