quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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