i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
