Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
