Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
