apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
