rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
