C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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