Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
