just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
