we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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