I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
