i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
