Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
