Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize