hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
