My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
