i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
smell my finger.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
