I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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