it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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