why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
