I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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