ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
