I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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