i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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