In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
