That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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