well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
