Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
