That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
