Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
