Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
