So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
