I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
