I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
