my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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