Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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