Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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