I think I just saw someone hide a body.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
