Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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