my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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