Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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