at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
