East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
