My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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