therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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