how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
