I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize