i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
